Well I haven't posted in a while so I figured I should. There's not a whole lot going on on the adoption front, just continuing to wait. I think I'm getting really good at that. We got our autobiographies done, thank goodness, and I have 2 books read and the reports written. Right now we are still waiting on the FBI checks and references to be completed, then we have to meet with our social worker one more time. After that our home study has to be approved by the adoption agency, I have to finish reading one more book and write a report on it, and then HOPEFULLY we will get put on the list of potential adoptive parents so we can wait some more for a birth mother to choose us.
Not sure how I'm feeling. It's very difficult to be excited about waiting when EVERYONE else who is pregnant gets to go through the stages of pregnancy while they are waiting and see their body change. And they know that after 9 months they are guaranteed a child. I don't get to see any changes, just a bunch of paperwork, and unlike them, I have no guarantee of a child at the end of all the paperwork and waiting. It's also very difficult to be excited for EVERYONE who is pregnant when I don't feel like anyone is really excited for me because I don't have that "guarantee" of a child like they do. Also, the process I'm going through is not quite as exciting as getting to see your body change, getting to hear the heartbeat, see the baby and find out the gender, feel the baby kick, etc. I just have paperwork, paperwork, home study, paperwork, book reading, paper work, and more paper work. And while I'm on my rant...it's frustrating when well-meaning people talk about all the babies that are coming, and I'm not even mentioned because apparently I don't really count as having a baby since I don't have that "guarantee." Or I guess because my only "changes" involve the cramps I get in my hand from filling out paperwork, nobody realizes that I'm going through a process to get a baby just like everyone else.
Ok, I'm done. Not sure what to pray for...just pray it's all over quickly because I'm tired of waiting.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Home Study *almost* complete!
Well we had our home study today. It lasted about 2 hours and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, even though she definitely did have to ask us some tough questions. The first part of it we were all talking together, and we had to answer questions about how we first met, our courtship, what we like to do together, how we deal with conflict, what support systems we have, and our strengths and weaknesses as a couple (there were a bunch of other questions I don't remember!). Then we had to answer a bunch of questions about raising a child, how we think we can physically and emotionally meet that child's needs, how we plan to discipline our child, what kind of child we would accept, how our lives will change once we have a child, etc.
For the second part of the home study, she had to interview each of us separately. She asked us questions about how we deal with loss, stress, and crisis, whether we had been abused, and how we would describe the other person. The most frustrating thing about it was that I felt like if I said anything that wasn't positive about our relationship or about Nate, or if I didn't have the "right" answer to the questions, then that would keep us from adopting. I know i was honest though, and I'm sure Nate was too, so if our relationship is really that messed up then I guess now is the time to find out! I don't see how they could expect anyone to be perfect though, we know what our weaknesses are, and we just need to be aware of them so we can control them as much as possible, and work together to deal with them.
Here is what we still have to do to get this home study completed:
1-Complete and send to her our autobiographies! We have definitely been procrastinating on these because it is just such a difficult thing to do to write about our entire life.
2-Wait for our FBI checks to be returned. She has received the state background checks and our child maltreatment checks, but we're waiting on FBI. Hopefully we don't have anything wrong there! ;)
3-Meet with her one more time. Apparently she is required to talk with us one more time, and she will get us to clarify any questions she has, and ask us any questions about our autobiographies. She said once she gets our autobiographies and FBI checks it shouldn't take long to complete, so hopefully we can get this show on the road quickly.
For the agency we need to get them our autobiographies as well, and finish reading our books and write reports on them. I have finished one book and am 2/3rds of the way done with the second one. I hate having those hanging over my head, but they are long books, a lot of it is repetitive from book to book, and I'm just not as fast a reader as I used to be (being forced to read boring textbooks in college and grad school really burned me out on reading!).
Pray we are able to get the last few things for the home study completed quickly (dang autobiographies!), and we are able to get the books read so as soon as the home study is done the agency is able to start presenting us to birthparents.
For the second part of the home study, she had to interview each of us separately. She asked us questions about how we deal with loss, stress, and crisis, whether we had been abused, and how we would describe the other person. The most frustrating thing about it was that I felt like if I said anything that wasn't positive about our relationship or about Nate, or if I didn't have the "right" answer to the questions, then that would keep us from adopting. I know i was honest though, and I'm sure Nate was too, so if our relationship is really that messed up then I guess now is the time to find out! I don't see how they could expect anyone to be perfect though, we know what our weaknesses are, and we just need to be aware of them so we can control them as much as possible, and work together to deal with them.
Here is what we still have to do to get this home study completed:
1-Complete and send to her our autobiographies! We have definitely been procrastinating on these because it is just such a difficult thing to do to write about our entire life.
2-Wait for our FBI checks to be returned. She has received the state background checks and our child maltreatment checks, but we're waiting on FBI. Hopefully we don't have anything wrong there! ;)
3-Meet with her one more time. Apparently she is required to talk with us one more time, and she will get us to clarify any questions she has, and ask us any questions about our autobiographies. She said once she gets our autobiographies and FBI checks it shouldn't take long to complete, so hopefully we can get this show on the road quickly.
For the agency we need to get them our autobiographies as well, and finish reading our books and write reports on them. I have finished one book and am 2/3rds of the way done with the second one. I hate having those hanging over my head, but they are long books, a lot of it is repetitive from book to book, and I'm just not as fast a reader as I used to be (being forced to read boring textbooks in college and grad school really burned me out on reading!).
Pray we are able to get the last few things for the home study completed quickly (dang autobiographies!), and we are able to get the books read so as soon as the home study is done the agency is able to start presenting us to birthparents.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Home Study Date!
We finally have a date set for our home study, April 8th. Yeah...that's this Thursday. I'm glad we were able to schedule it so early in April because I have so much going on at school that there aren't many days I can take off this month. We have testing for the next 2 weeks, and all the specialty teachers have to help with testing because they are required to have certified teachers administering the test. So...that means I have to be at school all of those mornings unless I'm dying because that leaves my school in a bind trying to find a certified replacement. Then after testing we have our Fine Arts Festival at school which I am teaching the music portion of. LOTS going on.
So, I'm a little nervous about this home study. I'm sure it will be fine, but I know they have to pry into our private lives to make sure we will be "fit" parents. I think it's a little unfair that anybody can get pregnant and have a baby and no one checks to see whether they are capable of raising a child, but I have to get the 3rd degree. :( I'm not sure how long the home study takes to complete, I suppose I will find that out on Thursday.
Please pray that I am able to accept this "hoop" we have to jump through, and that everything goes smoothly so we can move on to the next step in our process.
So, I'm a little nervous about this home study. I'm sure it will be fine, but I know they have to pry into our private lives to make sure we will be "fit" parents. I think it's a little unfair that anybody can get pregnant and have a baby and no one checks to see whether they are capable of raising a child, but I have to get the 3rd degree. :( I'm not sure how long the home study takes to complete, I suppose I will find that out on Thursday.
Please pray that I am able to accept this "hoop" we have to jump through, and that everything goes smoothly so we can move on to the next step in our process.
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