The Hospital Process

I just had a friend ask me a question today that made me realize others may not know how the process for the hospital and birth work in an adoption situation. In an effort to educate those around me (whether they want to be educated or not!) I am going to share it with you. This friend asked me if we had our plan for the birth at the hospital yet. I asked if she meant what the birthmom wants to do, and she said no, what we were doing. I was still confused so I had to get her to explain herself some more. I finally realized that she wanted to know what our roles were going to be when Carter was coming.

In an adoption situation, until 5-10 days after the baby is born, the birthmother is still legally the parent of that child (obviously). Because of that, the birth of the child is still led by the birthmother, and she gets to choose how she experiences it, and with whom she experiences it. At an agency (another reason I like agencies!), the birthmother makes a hospital "plan" to help everyone know what their role will be in the birth of the child, and what things the birthmother would like to happen. Some birthmothers choose to have the adoptive parents there, some want the adoptive parents in the delivery room, some want them in the waiting room, some don't want them there at all. Hospitals also vary in what they will allow as far as who has access to the child without the birthmother present, and who makes decisions about the child. So, even though a birthmother may decide one thing, this can also be changed by what the hospital will or won't allow. Even with all that said, a birth is a very physically and emotionally taxing experience, and the best laid plans may end up getting changed depending on how the birthmother is feeling. The best thing everyone involved can do is be flexible and follow the lead of the birthmother.

One of the most important things I have had to remember is that the birth of this child represents the last moments our birthmother will spend as the sole parent and caretaker of this child. The hospital is HER time to get to spend with her child, before he legally becomes ours. Because of that, if we need to give her the entire time to spend with her child, that's the least we can do when she is giving him to us for the rest of his life.

Now you can understand why I was confused when my friend asked what "OUR" plans were for the hospital. They aren't our plans but our birthmother's plans, and we are just following the plan she has set.

Now I know you're dying to know what plans our birthmother has made, so here they are. We definitely have a wonderful birthmother because everything she does shows how much she wants us involved in the process, and how she sees us as the parents of the child she is carrying. She wants me to be in the delivery room with her, and Nate will be in the waiting room. After Carter is born, she wants to get to spend some time alone with him to say goodbye, but after that she wants us there taking care of him because we are his parents. This plan can always change depending on how she's feeling, but as of right now that is her plan.

We have less than 2 weeks until we become parents! Please pray this process goes smoothly for everyone involved, and please pray for strength and comfort for our birthmother during the difficult time that lies ahead.

Middle Name and Due Date

Our birthmom has picked a middle name, so our son is going to be named Carter Blaine McCoy! We love the middle name, and are very excited to finally know his whole name. At the doctor's appointment today, the doctor said that everything looked so good that he was going to induce early if Carter didn't come before then, so unless Carter comes early, he will be arriving on July 6th! We are so excited and can't believe how soon that is! Please continue to pray that everything goes as planned!

One more thing...

Please make sure you read the post below this one, which is also new. I don't usually make 2 posts so close together, but I figured this should be shared as well. I have had a few people ask me about this, and I figured even though it is a difficult situation and a little personal, it is better to share it on here so everyone has correct information.

Arkansas Law for Adoptions by Mandy:
According to Arkansas law, no papers relinquishing parental rights can be signed until after the baby is born. Then once papers are signed, the birth mother will have up to 10 days to change her mind about relinquishing her child. However, a new law was created that allows the birth mother to state that she would prefer to only have 5 days instead of the allotted 10 to change her mind. Any time during those 5 or 10 days the birth mother may change her mind and take her child back. After that time, the adoptive parents are legal guardians of the child, and the birth mother has no rights toward him or her. 6 months later the adoption is "finalized" and the child is officially "adopted" by the adoptive parents (rather than them just being guardians-my understanding anyway). After the 5 or 10 days, the only things that can "disrupt" an adoption are if the birth mother was coerced into signing the papers (she must be able to prove it, and going through a reputable agency makes this MUCH less likely), or if the birthfather hasn't been in the picture but decides to show up and claim parental rights. However, if the birthfather hasn't been around at all, a claim can be made that he abandoned the child and so forfeited his rights at that time. Thankfully we are going through an agency because I don't understand how all that works.

That is the law in a nutshell. Let me know if any of you have any additional or corrected information to add, and I will gladly update. Basically I want you to know that as excited as we are, we still have that little bit of doubt lingering in our minds, that she could still change her mind. Feel free to ask questions if you have any, and definitely still keep our family in your prayers as we wait for Carter!

C is for Carter

4 weeks! We are very excited and can't wait to be a family of 3. There isn't a whole lot of news to share about Carter and our birthmother. They are both doing well, Carter is getting bigger and everything seems to be fine. I have been going to her doctor appointments which has been a wonderful experience, but everything seems to be pretty routine. Everyone keeps asking me if there is any news, but if they've heard that we're having a boy due July 10th and naming him Carter, I'm really not sure what else to share. Anyone have any suggestions of things they/you would like to hear about?

Here is something else I made for Carter. I saw something similar at Hay's for $25, and you KNOW I'm not about to pay that much for something my child will only wear a few times, so I decided to make one. I spent maybe $7, which is much more reasonable.

The only problem is...I'm not sure exactly how big it is! I bought the smaller pattern which has "newborn," "small," and "medium" on it, but the only measurements it gives for comparison are the baby's head size. So...I was expecting this to be somewhere in the 0-3 month range since I made a small...but I think it is more in the 6 month range. Which means I may have messed myself up, because by the time it fits him it may be too cold for him to wear it! Oh well...at least I didn't pay $25!!

P.S. I tried and tried to get this picture straightened correctly, but I failed. So you will just have to view it sideways! Sorry!

Stuff for Carter!

I've been busy making stuff for Carter! I may have gone a little overboard, but I want my boy to have cute stuff, and it is definitely hard to find in stores for reasonable prices!

I appliqued "ties" onto onesies so I can dress him up a little!

I saw an elephant onesie similar to this one at Hay's for $25! I wasn't about to pay that much so I decided to make my own!

A polka-dot boppy cover.

Burp cloths to match everything else I made!