The Hospital Process

I just had a friend ask me a question today that made me realize others may not know how the process for the hospital and birth work in an adoption situation. In an effort to educate those around me (whether they want to be educated or not!) I am going to share it with you. This friend asked me if we had our plan for the birth at the hospital yet. I asked if she meant what the birthmom wants to do, and she said no, what we were doing. I was still confused so I had to get her to explain herself some more. I finally realized that she wanted to know what our roles were going to be when Carter was coming.

In an adoption situation, until 5-10 days after the baby is born, the birthmother is still legally the parent of that child (obviously). Because of that, the birth of the child is still led by the birthmother, and she gets to choose how she experiences it, and with whom she experiences it. At an agency (another reason I like agencies!), the birthmother makes a hospital "plan" to help everyone know what their role will be in the birth of the child, and what things the birthmother would like to happen. Some birthmothers choose to have the adoptive parents there, some want the adoptive parents in the delivery room, some want them in the waiting room, some don't want them there at all. Hospitals also vary in what they will allow as far as who has access to the child without the birthmother present, and who makes decisions about the child. So, even though a birthmother may decide one thing, this can also be changed by what the hospital will or won't allow. Even with all that said, a birth is a very physically and emotionally taxing experience, and the best laid plans may end up getting changed depending on how the birthmother is feeling. The best thing everyone involved can do is be flexible and follow the lead of the birthmother.

One of the most important things I have had to remember is that the birth of this child represents the last moments our birthmother will spend as the sole parent and caretaker of this child. The hospital is HER time to get to spend with her child, before he legally becomes ours. Because of that, if we need to give her the entire time to spend with her child, that's the least we can do when she is giving him to us for the rest of his life.

Now you can understand why I was confused when my friend asked what "OUR" plans were for the hospital. They aren't our plans but our birthmother's plans, and we are just following the plan she has set.

Now I know you're dying to know what plans our birthmother has made, so here they are. We definitely have a wonderful birthmother because everything she does shows how much she wants us involved in the process, and how she sees us as the parents of the child she is carrying. She wants me to be in the delivery room with her, and Nate will be in the waiting room. After Carter is born, she wants to get to spend some time alone with him to say goodbye, but after that she wants us there taking care of him because we are his parents. This plan can always change depending on how she's feeling, but as of right now that is her plan.

We have less than 2 weeks until we become parents! Please pray this process goes smoothly for everyone involved, and please pray for strength and comfort for our birthmother during the difficult time that lies ahead.