Well we had our home study today. It lasted about 2 hours and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, even though she definitely did have to ask us some tough questions. The first part of it we were all talking together, and we had to answer questions about how we first met, our courtship, what we like to do together, how we deal with conflict, what support systems we have, and our strengths and weaknesses as a couple (there were a bunch of other questions I don't remember!). Then we had to answer a bunch of questions about raising a child, how we think we can physically and emotionally meet that child's needs, how we plan to discipline our child, what kind of child we would accept, how our lives will change once we have a child, etc.
For the second part of the home study, she had to interview each of us separately. She asked us questions about how we deal with loss, stress, and crisis, whether we had been abused, and how we would describe the other person. The most frustrating thing about it was that I felt like if I said anything that wasn't positive about our relationship or about Nate, or if I didn't have the "right" answer to the questions, then that would keep us from adopting. I know i was honest though, and I'm sure Nate was too, so if our relationship is really that messed up then I guess now is the time to find out! I don't see how they could expect anyone to be perfect though, we know what our weaknesses are, and we just need to be aware of them so we can control them as much as possible, and work together to deal with them.
Here is what we still have to do to get this home study completed:
1-Complete and send to her our autobiographies! We have definitely been procrastinating on these because it is just such a difficult thing to do to write about our entire life.
2-Wait for our FBI checks to be returned. She has received the state background checks and our child maltreatment checks, but we're waiting on FBI. Hopefully we don't have anything wrong there! ;)
3-Meet with her one more time. Apparently she is required to talk with us one more time, and she will get us to clarify any questions she has, and ask us any questions about our autobiographies. She said once she gets our autobiographies and FBI checks it shouldn't take long to complete, so hopefully we can get this show on the road quickly.
For the agency we need to get them our autobiographies as well, and finish reading our books and write reports on them. I have finished one book and am 2/3rds of the way done with the second one. I hate having those hanging over my head, but they are long books, a lot of it is repetitive from book to book, and I'm just not as fast a reader as I used to be (being forced to read boring textbooks in college and grad school really burned me out on reading!).
Pray we are able to get the last few things for the home study completed quickly (dang autobiographies!), and we are able to get the books read so as soon as the home study is done the agency is able to start presenting us to birthparents.
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3 comments:
It's all coming together!! I know you're glad to be one step closer! :)
You were in my prayers today! I drove by and saw the vehicle in your driveway and felt nervous for you! But I know she saw a joyful Christian home. You are making so much progress!
I remember those home study days well! Nothing like feeling you are in a fish bowl, and I can definitely relate to the "having to say all the right things."
I remember feeling like "Dear Birthmother" relegated adoptive parents into 2nd class citizens (that the book followed a predictible swing too far in the other direction in response to the inequities to birthmothers). I can say that now, but I wouldn't have dared say that then!
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